10 Signs She’s Not Into You – Part I

You’ve been chasing that certain woman for weeks, maybe even months.

She rarely calls you, she flirts with other guys, but you keep hoping that one day she’ll come around. How do you know when to finally throw in the towel?

The hugely popular book He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys has pretty much become the dating bible for women; it clearly outlines the signs men give off when they’re not interested. But don’t bother running out and buying yourself a copy just yet. When the situation is reversed and it comes to reading a woman’s signals, the signs can be pretty different.

The following 10 signs are all giveaways that she’s not interested in you. With a quick look at the list below, you’ll be in a much better position to figure out when to keep pursuing and when to walk away with your dignity still intact.

So read on to put her behavior into perspective and figure out once and for all if she’s just not into you.

1. She says she’s not ready for a relationship
Ah, the classic escape route. Women often use this one when they feel cornered by someone they’re not interested in. It’s clean, requires no prep, and leaves no room for a counterargument. What she really means is that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. For whatever reason, she just doesn’t see you as relationship material. Don’t hang around hoping she’ll be ready someday—she might get into a relationship eventually, but it probably won’t be with you.

2. You’re always the one calling her (and/or she doesn’t return your calls)
Watch out: She might be avoiding you. And if she’s not, then you’re just not on her mind and she simply forgot. Either way, she’s less invested than you are and doesn’t care enough to reach out.
Quick rule: If she doesn’t return your first call, try a second time—maybe she’s playing hard to get. If she doesn’t call back the second time, you can safely assume she’s not into you. (Be a little flexible here, since women are often told to let the guy pursue. But she should at least call you back once for every three times you reach out.)

3. She avoids eye contact and keeps her distance
This is an obvious sign a lot of guys overlook. If she’s attracted to you, she’ll naturally want to be close and make eye contact. If she’s always avoiding your gaze, she’s probably trying not to lead you on or just doesn’t want to encourage you. If she keeps you at arm’s length, she might just want her personal space—don’t push it.

4. She mentions other guys she finds attractive
Nope, she’s probably not trying to make you jealous (unless it’s an ex, but that’s a whole other story). Most likely, you’re in the “friend zone”—just like one of her girlfriends she shares her thoughts with. It’s never even crossed her mind to date you. Not a great sign.

5. She tries to set you up with someone else
This usually means she’s never even thought about dating you. Or, she likes you as a friend but wants to make sure you don’t get the wrong idea. Either way, the message is loud and clear: She doesn’t want you for herself.

6. She doesn’t laugh at your jokes
If she’s stone-faced when you crack jokes, it means two things: She doesn’t find your humor interesting, and she doesn’t like you enough to fake it. Fun fact: Laughing is a form of flirting, so if she’s not doing it, her mind probably isn’t on you.

7. She’s always vague about making plans
If she really wants to see you, she’ll make concrete plans. If she’s wishy-washy or keeps it vague, she’s probably just neutral about hanging out—or she doesn’t want to commit in case something better comes up. Ouch.

See Also

Why Smart Women Fail At Relationships

8. She regularly cancels plans with you
Hate to break it to you, but you’re the backup guy. Sure, cancelling plans sometimes is normal, but if she bails on you over and over, cut your losses. She’s not interested, and she might not even respect you that much. Move on.

9. Her description of the “perfect man” sounds nothing like you
She tells you she wants a Mediterranean guy who can dance salsa. You’re Swedish and can only square dance. Sure, women sometimes end up with someone totally different than their “type,” but if she’s spelling out what she wants and it’s the total opposite of you, she’s dropping a hint. Don’t ignore it.

10. She barely responds to your texts (or leaves you on read for days)
If every conversation is one-sided or you get short, delayed replies, that’s a huge red flag. People make time for who they want to talk to. If you find yourself sending a novel and getting “lol” or “k” back hours or days later, she’s just not feeling it. Save your energy.

Be warned:
If she shows one of these signs, it’s not looking good. If you see two or three, you can be pretty sure she’s not interested. If you’re noticing more than three, face the facts: It’s never going to happen.

Having a crush that’s not returned can be tough on your self-esteem. But do yourself a favor and don’t drag things out. If, after reading this list, you realize she’s not going to come around, put yourself out of your misery—cut your losses and move on.

Repeat this mantra: She’s just not into you.