There are some amazingly obvious ones (“Is it in yet?” springs to mind!) but there are some slier ones too. I’ve been quizzing men on what they really don’t want to hear, and this is the top six…it doesn’t matter how sweet your intentions or how much you put on a baby voice, just don’t say it!
1. “Notice Anything Different?”
For men, this is a minefield question. What has changed? Your hair? Your hair is the obvious answer, but you’re bound to feel upset if you haven’t changed your hair. A new outfit? Maybe, but if he guesses and it’s not new, we’ll be upset he hasn’t noticed. Our nails? Our bag? New shoes? He doesn’t know…
2. “Don’t Worry, He’s An Ex”
But that’s why they are worried! An ex, in a man’s world, is a threat. He’s the guy you used to share a bed with, your secrets and your desires. And if he’s an ex, then why is he still around? Why is there still communication? He won’t be able to work out if it’s a sign you still have feelings for him, and he won’t be comfortable with that. There will always be the possibility in his mind of you rekindling your love…it’s better left unsaid.
3. “It’s Not Contagious”
Men are not good with illnesses…just think about man flu! They worry, so as soon as they know what you’ve got, they’ll be secretly googling it and finding out all they can. Including the heavily-edited wiki page, which will no doubt say it’s contagious and can be fatal, and will make him avoid you for a week. Save your breath, and make him bring you hot water bottles…it’s more productive all round!
4. “We Need To Talk”
It’s one of those phrases that we hope will mean he holds a sensible conversation with us, but it just sets off alarms in his head. First they think of all the possibilities…are we pregnant, do we want to break up? And then they switch off. And when what we have to say seems so small next to what they braced themselves for, they just shrug it off. So really, it doesn’t work anyway. Sigh.
5. “I’ve Been Thinking…”
This is something that fills men with dread. It could be about something relatively irrelevant, like the state of Africa, or it could be about the house, or it could be about him. And most of the time, they won’t take it on board anyway…but it still worries them. My boyfriends face when I say this is classic…I say it just to worry him. It’s hilarious!
6. “I’m Late”
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, or how you try to break it to him. It’s the news that will shake most men to the bone, and all they hear is “Life as you know it is over”. They’ll be immediately seeing pound signs, sleepless nights and hormones…give him time to get over it. He will, but it will take time.
Of course, some of these things are unavoidable. While he might not want to hear it, if you need to talk, you need to talk, and if you are pregnant, he has to know. Just don’t expect him to have a sophisticated reaction…he is a man, of course, and these sayings are programmed to make him explode. Have I missed one? Please share it with me!