I’m not saying long distance relationships suck, on no! I just have a firsthand experience on how it all works and, although you can expect a lot of wonderful, happy moments, you have to be prepared that it’s not all flowers and butterflies. So here’s the list of some problems I had to deal with and some practical tips and solutions I kind of figured out in the process of trying to keep my relationship healthy, strong and filled with love and passion.
1. You can’t see each other every day
Nothing beats live conversation, hugs, kisses and romantic moments spent together! Skype can make things a little bit easier because you don’t have to type – you can just turn your camera on, sit back, relax and chat. However, not even Skype can replace that wonderful feeling of knowing that your special somebody is just a phone call away. But, let’s look on the bright side – all this time you spend away from each other makes you appreciate those rare, special moments you actually get to share. So snap as many photos as you can and look at them whenever you feel sad or lonely.
Long distance relationships cost a lot. I know, I know, it sounds bad, but it’s totally true. I often say that meeting my fiancé is the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Best, because I’ve never been happier and worst, because I’ve never been more broke. From transportation to phone and internet bills – everything costs more when you’re not living in the same place. If you’re both working, these things won’t have a huge impact on your relationship, but if you’re not, financial problems may destroy your relationship. Find a part time job and figure out a good savings strategy. A long distance relationship works best if you join forces so never say “My money” or “Your money” – split the costs and do everything you can to help each other financially.
You can’t call him and say, “Hey, can you drop by? I had a crappy day and I need to see you.” You can’t be there to comfort him when he’s going through a rough time. All this can be rather depressing and you’ll often feel sad and guilty for not being there for your significant other. You’ll feel lonely too. Especially if everybody around you have somebody to hang with. Yup, there will be days when your friends are out with their boyfriends and you have to sit at home knowing that he’s somewhere out there, having a crappy time too. Don’t let these feelings get you down, hun! Think about happy times, think about the future and your next meeting. Positive thinking is the key element in every long distance relationship.
“What if he finds somebody else?”, “What if he gets bored of waiting?”, “What if he’s cheating?”… Even the most confident ones will face some of the long distance relationship demons sooner or later. That’s why you have to make things clear right at the beginning and find different ways to express your love and show that your loved one is the only thing that keeps you going. Send him/her a text message when he/she is not expecting it. If you’re out partying call your partner to tell him how much you miss him and how much you wish he could be there to share this moment with you. These things count!
You have a job, he has a job, you can afford to see each other often and there’s just one tiny problem that needs to be solved in order for your relationship to turn into a real life fairytale – timing! You can’t just pack your bags and leave town for a week. Right? And I’m pretty sure you’re running out of excuses and “sick days”. Now, this is a problem most couples face because you just can’t have both, free time to travel and money to finance your trips. What you need is a good strategy and some good old fashioned planning. Ask your boss if you could set up a remote office and do the job from your home. Explain that this is a great savings strategy and that both of you can benefit from it. Think, plan, schedule and re-schedule… find ways to be efficient, have more free time and don’t forget to organize your personal time and your time as a couple.
6. Different rules
Long distance relationships work differently than the regular ones. There’s no room for playing hard to get or sending mixed signals. You don’t start a long distance relationship because you’re bored but because you have a feeling that person is something special. You have to be honest and show that you’re ready to commit. You have to let that person know you’re serious and that you think he/she is worth fighting for. You can’t play games. And that’s one of the hardest things to get used to because we all like to play games, we think it’s the way it’s supposed to be.
Different time zones, text messages, cultural or even language differences – being misunderstood or misinterpreting your partner’s words or actions is bound to happen sooner or later. Now, some of you may laugh or think these things are easy to sort out but, believe me, in a long distance relationship, a tiny misunderstanding can cause a great deal of trouble! Being “lost in the translation” is what almost destroyed my relationship and the only thing I can say today is – thank God we were patient and in love!
My sister used to tell me I’m crazy, my fiancé’s friends didn’t believe our “wireless” relationship could last. All these people are jealous now and they often look at us and say, “Oh, why all great things always happen to others and never to us?” So, tell me, would you ever risk facing all these problems and engage in a risky thing called “long distance relationship”? Would you be willing to put your courage, patience and love to the test or would you rather opt for a less problematic, less expensive and less platonic, normal relationship?
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