The beginning of a relationship is never boring. You’re either excited to see the person, or anxiety-ridden because they’ve taken too long to text back. You’re way too busy just trying to establish a relationship — trying get through the emotional roller coaster that is a new relationship — that it never occurs to you that a complete “now what?!” moment will hit once everything settles. But once that moment hits, once you’re actually in a happy, stable relationship, it’s pretty common to start doing some stupid things for fear of losing it. Like these:
You’re TOO nice
You don’t want to tell him that what he just said was rude. You don’t want to tell him that it pissed you off that he stayed out 3 hours later than he said he would last night, and didn’t text you. You don’t want to acknowledge that there is even the tiniest thing wrong with this relationship you finally got to be settled! So you hold it in. But honestly, you will feel closer to the guy if you just say right then and there “you’re being an a**hole right now.” Because you know that if you don’t say it, you’re just going to act distant, and become distant.
Trying to do more together
You used to go on dates all of the time. You used to find fun things to do in your city. Now all you two do is stay at home, make dinner and watch a movie. But that is normal. You went on all of those dates as a way of getting to know each other. Now you do know each other, and if you feel secure enough in the fact that you like each other, you should be happy to just relax together. Don’t get anxiety-ridden and start circling a million things in the newspaper for you two to do. Of course, don’t stay home all of the time, but don’t become alarmed if you start doing it more often.
Not doing your own thing
Your boyfriend cannot be your entire social life. In the very beginning stages, you want to see each other all the time. But that’s when you have to make a serious effort to still go see your friends and be away from your guy. If you don’t, you’ll regret it once the relationship settles. By default, you will be spending all of your time with your guy because your friends stopped inviting you out. Not only that, your guy might feel suffocated.
Putting pressure on sex
A little lull is normal. You can’t keep up at that 4 times a day rate forever. I’m not saying you should just accept it if sex falls out of your relationship. But the first few times, in the beginning of the lull, when your guy just wants to go to sleep, don’t throw a fit. Don’t even throw a passive aggressive fit. Just try with all of your might to smile and say “that’s fine” because showing anger about it only makes it worse. And then he will feel like he has to have sex with you. Honestly, just one little fit about it will linger with him for a while and your lull might last longer than it was meant to.
Comparing your relationship
Some couples are the adventurous type, constantly planning trips and taking salsa-dancing classes. Some couples are extremely domestic, always hosting dinner parties and spending their Saturdays wondering around Bed Bath and Beyond. Your relationship isn’t unhealthy because you don’t do those things. You and your partner are two completely different individuals than the couple who goes skydiving or rock climbing every weekend. That’s why you’re with your man, instead of somebody else’s. If things feel fine, then they’re fine. Don’t start asking “why don’t we do more ______ like they do?”
Trying too hard
If you suddenly start wearing sexy lingerie every time he comes home from work, and making candle lit dinners every single night, he is going to feel pressure to do just as much. His thought process is “I already won her over! Can’t I just be myself now?” You should absolutely continue to do nice things for each other and surprise each other, but, don’t go into a panic mode and start doing something like that every day. It will actually begin to stress your partner out more than anything. He will feel like a jerk if he doesn’t keep up.
Saying, “I love you” for the first time feels amazing. And it feels pretty damn amazing saying it the next couple hundred times, too. Sending and receiving cute little texts throughout the day isn’t bad either. But, as your relationship continues, you’ll start sending little texts like that and saying, “I love you” obsessively, less. Not because you don’t love each other or like each other as much, but because you feel secure enough in the fact that you love one another that not as much needs to be said. At least, you should feel secure. Of course you should continue to say nice things to each other, but don’t think he doesn’t love you because his text messages went down from 25 to 5 a day. That 25 rate just wasn’t sustainable. If you begin asking him “do you still love me?” or “why don’t you text me as much any more?” he will find that insecurity unattractive.
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