Then, you realize that you have a history of not only ignoring the red flags, but you’ve actually visualized yourself running over a guy with airport beacons who is trying to warn you something is not right. It’s time to break the cycle. Before you start filling out the change of address forms at the post office, why not check to see if your romantic bliss is covering up glaring signs that all is not as it should be for two people who want to live together?
You make a special effort to clean the house before he comes over. Are you planning to make a special effort every day of your life? Are you cleaning the house for your benefit or because you don’t think he would be pleased by the way your house looks in its normal state? While you might be able to pull it off a couple of times a week, pretending to be someone you’re not is a lot harder on a day to day basis.
You’re more yourself with the clerk at the gas station then you are with your significant other. Though you might think that you’ll get more comfortable with him as time goes on, the fact is that you probably shouldn’t be sharing a bathroom with someone you can’t even fart in front of. (Not that you would.)
You’re trapped in a tug-of-war. Do you feel like your kids and your significant other are constantly in combat mode as they try to get your attention? Maybe they all need more time to get used to each other before they’re all under the same roof. If you make this move too fast, you’ll lose the trust of you’re kids and end up feeling as if you’re being torn apart instead of feeling like you’re bringing a family together.
Two goals moving in opposite directions won’t necessarily meet in the middle. You want to be a foster parent and live on a self-sufficient farm. He can’t wait for the kids to grow up so he can travel the country checking out all the major cities. Someone’s going to have to put their goals to the side. Which one of you will it be?
Your body is sending all the wrong signals. I remember driving to a boyfriend’s house with a knot in my stomach. I thought back about a previous failed relationship that gave me the same feeling every time I crossed the bridge on my way home to a man I no longer wanted to be with. My mind was trying to convince me that I was doing the right thing, but my body just wasn’t buying it!
Who are you trying to convince? When you talk to your friends, loved ones, or even yourself about making the move, you have a list of reasons why it’s a good idea. Are you trying to convince yourself or are you really clarifying yourself to your loved ones?
The window of opportunity is closing. Are you afraid that if you don’t make the move now, it will never happen? The truth is that you should only do it when you are absolutely sure that you’re ready and not a minute before that. If you lose him because you didn’t move fast enough, you were going to lose him anyhow.
Sacrifices must be made. How much are either of you giving up to move in together? If you’re giving more than him, how long do you think it will take before you resent that fact? If you’re giving less than him, ask yourself why that is.
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