Why, for instance, do certain types of people or bedroom acts really turn one man on but are completely off-putting to another? The answer may lie in the conflicts of your psyche as well as in your childhood experiences. Here, using a combination of research and psychological theory, we review four types of women that men commonly fantasize about and what each of these fantasy women says about you.
Fantasy Woman: Dominating
It might sound gross, but if you are the youngest child in your family and you have at least one older sister, you may be more likely to fantasize about a woman who, sexually speaking, likes to be in the driver’s seat. In real life, too, you would be drawn more toward a mate who is the oldest child in her family and has a younger brother, or is simply older than you age-wise.
Though this all sounds incredibly incestuous, you have nothing to fear; research has shown that women give 40% higher ratings in terms of how much they like a conversational partner if he is a last-born child (Ickes & Turner, 1983). Alternatively, if your parents have a relationship in which your mom wears the pants, you may also fantasize about dominant women because the woman-in-charge relationship was the one that was modeled to you as a child.
Fantasy Woman: Model Or Actress
An intense desire to be with an extremely beautiful woman for her exquisite looks rather than who she is may signal that you have narcissistic tendencies. If in real life you refuse to date women who are not drop-dead gorgeous, the possibility that you have a narcissistic bent to your personality goes up as this behavior suggests you may view your attractive female companions as trophies.
As a full-blown psychological problem, a recent study reported that 7.7% of men meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) at some point in their lives (Stinson et al., 2009), and it is estimated that up to 75% of people who suffer from this condition are men (Source: DSM-IV-TR).
Fantasy Woman: Alpha Female
One interpretation of repeated fantasies about an alpha female is that you are engaging in projective identification. Not uncommon among couples, projective identification occurs when one person projects their own fantasies or desires onto another person and the other person, in turn, begins to behave in a way that conforms to these fantasies.
For example, if you grew up in a family where talking about money or appearing greedy in any way was a huge taboo, you may feel badly about wanting material things. By dating or fantasizing about a financially successful woman, however, you can have your cake and eat it too because you don’t have to own up to being a greedy person yourself. Projective identification may especially be at play in your fantasy life if you’ve noticed that in your real life you tend to fall for seemingly regular women only to find out that they turned into power-hungry animals at some point over the course of your relationship.
Fantasy Woman: Porn Star Or Stripper
Mind-blowing sex in a monogamous relationship with a woman involves getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes, as well as sharing sexual fantasies and mutual eroticism. And while it may involve penetration, sex in a romantic relationship actually begins in the mind rather than below the belt, particularly for women.
One recent study, for example, found that 35% of women who were given a placebo pill and told it would augment their desire reported feeling more turned on and that their sex lives were enhanced (Source: Bradford & Meston, 2010). In contrast, sex in porn focuses largely on the genital organs and is most often about penetration in some form or another. Fantasizing about having sex with a porn star may, therefore, mean that you fear intimacy as this scenario is typically devoid of seduction and mutual mental foreplay, two factors critical to the sexual satisfaction of non-celluloid partners.
What Your Fantasy Woman Says About You
At the end of the day, fantasies always have deeply personal meanings. The explanations presented here are, therefore, simply possibilities about what certain types of fantasies suggest about your character. If you didn’t find your favorite lusty daydream on this list, or you didn’t think the description fit you but you want to know what your erotic thoughts are all about, consider what your childhood was like, what position you occupy in your family, what type of personality you have, and your early sexual experiences, and the hidden meaning behind your fantasies should become clearer.
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