Shy Magazine

Sex & Love

Top 3 Secrets: Why Men Don’t Talk About Their Feelings

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It’s “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” all over again.
| by Samantha Philips |

When we talk about feelings, why is it that men seem to have a hard time expressing themselves as compared to women? Is it because in a relationship, women have a greater emotional investment than men?

Take the big “I love you” declaration as an example. For men, saying these three little words require a huge effort – but the urge comes quite easily for most women.

Similarly, in a fight, women like to dissect the emotional reasons behind the issues. For men? They want to skip the “Let’s talk” part and proceed ASAP to kissing and making up.

In the tradition of our top lists, here are the top 3 secrets behind the silence of the men =)

Secret # 3: It’s a neurological thing.
Without the basic physical and psychological differences between men and women, relationships would not be as exciting. Life would never be the same without experiencing the joys of falling in love and suffering the pains of a breakup.

Now, when it comes to talking about feelings, the culprit is the Corpus Callosum, the part of the brain which connects the left and right brain hemisphere. Let’s not go into the scientific stuff here – but the gist is that this part of the brain is larger in women than men. The result is that women can think and feel at the same time – while men naturally separate their feelings from what they are thinking. This creates their reluctance to talk about all that mushy stuff that women love to hash out.

Secret # 2: Men are reluctant to talk because they’re afraid of saying something wrong.
Admit it – almost every woman feels like she can give Oprah a run for her money as a talk show host. This is exactly what men are intimidated with. For the most part, men feel that if they open up about their feelings, women will put on their ‘psyche’ mode. They feel that saying the wrong thing will put them in a lot of trouble – that’s why they clam up. Giving them some a lot of leeway in this area is always a good idea.

Secret # 1: Men express their feelings through action more than through words.
When your boyfriend has a bunch of flowers delivered to your office, it’s his way of saying that he’s thinking about you. When a relatively new beau plans for a long weekend that you two can go together next summer – it’s his way of saying that he plans to stick around for a long time. When he has your car sent to the mechanic for an engine check-up, its means that he cares a lot about your safety. The cliché actions speak louder than words applies when it comes to men’s feelings.

So instead of waiting for an undying declaration of love – look for those little and grand gestures which show rather than tell you how he feels.

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