While he had some fascinating insights on waterboard torture, when it comes to women, it’s a heck of a lot easier to tell if she’s feeding you lines. She may think her poop smells like roses, but her BS definitely stinks! So, when in doubt, here’s how you can figure out if your lady is being straight with you.
1. Vixen Verification: A woman knows all she has to do is shake what her mama gave her and you won’t be able to think about anything but boobies. So, if she’s trying to change the subject by being sexy, don’t let your brain forget the check her booty can’t cash.
2. Unpleasant Surprise: If she doesn’t feel comfortable accepting gifts from you, either she isn’t really feeling you anymore or she did something bad and feels guilty because you’re being so nice. This isn’t to say only buy her flowers for no reason other than to see if she squirms, but it’s a good barometer.
3. Chill, Baby: Does she respond casually? A pause is a good thing if you’re reading poetry and a bad thing if you’re looking for the truth. Stammering is a surefire sign she’s treading on shaky ground.
4. (Not So) Great Orator: On the other hand, this isn’t the “State Of The Union.” It’s just you, her boyfriend. So, if she’s using overly formal language and sounds almost like she rehearsed this speech, beware. Just like a slick politician, she’s full of it.
5. Hostile Witness: If she gets mad at you simply for asking about something, that is a real problem. If she cares about you, she’ll want to put your mind at ease. If she turns the tables on you and gets all accusatory about being badgered with questions, something is up. The lady doth protest too much.
6. Body Language: Things to look out for: fidgeting and other compulsive, repetitive movements are a bad sign. If she’s making eye contact, that’s a good sign.
7. Liar, Liar: Have you seen her lie to other people about big things for her own benefit? I’m not talking about tiny white lies like “all this hair is really mine” or “I baked this from scratch,” but real character-compromising lies. If the answer is yes, then what makes you think she isn’t willing to fib to save face with you? When she lies to others, how and why does she do it? Now compare it to your situation—sound familiar?
8. The Devil Is In The Details: If she’s telling a story and leaving out the details, ask for them and then watch her body language (see #5). On the other hand, if she’s telling the story and it’s unusually long, why is she so nervous?
9. Ex Marks The Spot: If she vehemently denies she never even thinks about her ex-boyfriend, she’s lying. Every girl thinks about her lost loves, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t think what she has with you is better—that’s the key!
10. Story Lines: Are you telling the story, or is she? If she just says yes to whatever you’re saying about it, there’s something more you should know. She should be coloring the story with personal details, not merely going along with what you already know.
11. Listen To Your Gut: We all run on instinct. If you think something is fishy, speak up. If it’s merely paranoia, she should be able to help you relax. But if you still feel something is not right, it most likely isn’t. When has your gut lied to you?