He keeps his interactions with her a “secret”
One clear sign on the makings of a great relationship is having open and honest communication with your man. So if you find yourself having to guess, wonder or question him about the time that he spends with his kids, then chances are that there is a breakdown in communication in your relationship and I would urge you need to get to the bottom of it pronto. Your man should want to openly share with you all aspects of his life and that naturally would include the raising and the rearing of his kids and oftentimes his kids’ mother is bound to be mentioned in there somewhere. So the next time, you ask him about accompanying him to Junior’s basketball game and he tries to evade the subject or goes as far as to completely check out of the conversation, you may want to dig a little deeper to figure out why you wanting to attend his kid’s basketball game is cause for concern.
You aren’t allowed to ride with him when he goes to pick up his kid(s)
In instances where it would be more sensible and convenient for you to ride along but yet he insists on dropping you off before his scheduled pickup of the kids. Raise the red flag! What’s so top secret over there that you can’t be privy to? Perhaps it is you or more specifically, your existence that is top secret to the baby momma. Not allowing you to ride along is an indication that he is hiding you from her or vice versa, her from you. Whatever the case may be, there is a reason why he doesn’t want the two of you crossing paths. Some men I’ve talked with about this very issue will say that keeping both women at opposite ends presents less drama this way. But let’s be real—if all parties are rational adults and assuming that he has been honest with everyone involved about their respective role in his life then why would there be any drama?
He lets his cell phone go to voicemail when she calls
Hmm…my favorite! That elusive conversation with her that he never seems to want to have in front of you. Granted, if you’re out enjoying a meal at dinner together, then it might be rude of him to answer, but if the two of you are lazying around at the house and he’s in the position to answer the phone but yet you see that he deliberately pushes the button to send the call to voicemail, go ahead and raise your brow to that one. When the phone rings again (and you know it will because most women with call right back), ask him to answer to see what’s up (could be an emergency with the kids, right?). If he answers the phone but gets up and saunters to another area in the room out of your earshot, then “Houston, we definitely have a problem!” What doesn’t he want you to hear? Innocent people typically do not act guilty.
His awkward and nervous reaction the very first time you and his “baby momma” come face to face
This particular indicator correlates with number #2. So you’ve been seriously dating your guy for awhile now and he was comfortable enough to let you meet his kids, then it would only make sense to meet their mother as well, right???? Don’t be silly—no one is suggesting a formal over-the-top introduction—but some sort of introduction is warranted. Most mothers are concerned about the welfare of their children and no matter how much trust or faith they have in knowing that their children’s’ father would not put the kids in harm’s way, I’m sure they would still be interested to know whose company their children are keeping.
So imagine this scenario: You’re out with your guy on date night and it just so happens that his children’s mother is also in the building enjoying a night out with her girlfriends. Ok, in a perfect world, he should use this opportunity to introduce the two of you since you’ve never met, right? If he suggests that the two of you cut out and go somewhere else and is apprehensive or outright reluctant in making an introduction, then that should send a nice clean jab to your gut (take that!). If the baby momma happens to make her way over to you and makes nice, be sure to examine both his and her reactions to your chance meeting. Does he have nervous energy? Is he being short and trying to rush her away? If he’s noticeably uncomfortable and if she appears smug and seemingly taking pleasure in his reaction, then please stop kidding yourself—there is some type of arrangement going on between these two that you clearly did not get the memo on!
In an ideal world, everyone in this situation would have the “All of Us” relationship based on the lives of Will and Jada – you know where the current girlfriend or the wife gets along great with the baby momma/ex, the exes no longer have any romantic feelings for each other and there is little to no drama involved. Sound familiar? Well, maybe not. Perhaps in a perfect world, but that’s not usually how it always works out.
The reality is that there are some men that like to have their cake and eat it too and there are some women that are ok with this and are reaping the benefits and the comforts of being with familiar territory—aka their ex (baby daddy). There might not necessarily be any romantic feelings involved between your man and his baby momma and it is just what it is – they have a mutually agreed upon arrangement between themselves for periodic sexual maintenance. Please hold your appall, I’m here to tell you that this type of deal is real and it is very, very prevalent.
So, if you notice any of those 4 indicators in your relationship; then I would suggest that you STOP, Do not collect $200 dollars and definitely, DO NOT PASS GO! Any one of these signs are worthy of further discussion with your man. If you have the slightest intuition that something seems awry with him and his “baby momma,” then you need to voice your concerns and let him know how his actions or the lack thereof are making you feel. If you ignore your gut and fail to communicate any of your suspicions to your man, you will soon find yourself going down that slippery slope of playing Colombo by checking text and voicemail messages to confirm your suspicions—and girl, let me tell you—the moment you have to resort to these covert tactics to uncover deceit in your relationship is the moment that YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BE DECLARED AS OFFICIALLY OVER!
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