10 Secrets Men Keep From Women

In case you haven’t figured it out, women don’t know men any more than men know women, and if we do know each other, then we don’t like the answers.

Yes, men tell women what we think you want to hear because, let’s face it, you’re going to decide if we’re having sex tonight. If you ask us to communicate, we think it’s a trap. Women say they want me to be honest, but when men let it rip, women don’t like the answers. As I have no personal attachment to anyone on this site, I’m going to let it rip.

Things men tell their buddies that they don’t tell their wives and girlfriends.

1. Yes, it’s about sex. Men like sex, men like variety. Men like women that enjoy sex, enjoy variety, and are active partners in sex.

2. A man is less likely to feel romantic if a woman is making his life miserable. If you want to cuddle, don’t start a fight over leaving the toilet seat up or not taking out the garbage, Buzzkill.

3. Men are passionate about the things women hate. In general, when men tell you they don’t like cartoons, stoner movies, action movies, motorcycles, South Park, sports, firearms, the Simpsons, and ESPN, etc. they are lying so that they can have sex with you.

4. Men don’t like women’s entertainment. I’d rather eat glass than watch Bridget Jones, but I’ve watched it for sex.

5. There’s only 24 hours in a day. Eight hours of sleep, ten hours at work, two hours commute, 90 minutes at the gym, and 90 minutes cooking, eating, and washing up leaves only one hour each day for “us” or “me” time. Keep your expectations reasonable and share.

6. Women have cold hands, feet, butts, and other body parts. Men are not your personal heaters. Warm them or keep them to yourself.

7. A man’s willingness to put up with a women’s b.s. is directly proportional to how hot they are. Yes, men will kiss a beautiful women’s ass for sex, that doesn’t mean you’re going to get the same treatment.

8. When women say they want to sit down and talk, men hear “I’m pissed.” You never want to talk about things we like, like sports, so telling us you want to talk sends us the signal that you want to bring up something that’s bothering you. You might fool us once in a while by actually wanting to talk about something the other sex is interested in. Men have to, it’s called dating.

9. Men hate dating because we have to lie. Lying isn’t fun. We can’t wait to be married so we can really tell you how we feel about Bridget Jones. Unless he’s a jerk, a man’s happiest day is when he no longer has to lie to have sex.

10. Working out doesn’t count unless you sweat. We don’t want to hear about how tough your yoga class was if all the girls in class are wearing makeup.