Are you attracting the wrong men? The following principles come from my own personal experience and lessons I learned. They also incorporate ideas from Marie Forleo. Her new book is called “Make Every Man Want You”. She is one of my favorite inspirational role models.
1. Thinking that a relationship is purely an exchange of our needs being met.
Looking at a relationship with what you can get out of it instead of what to you bring to it is a mistake. Relationships are one of our greatest opportunities for growth by learning to love, give and forgive. When we look at a partnership as a transaction of needs being met, in order to get companionship, laughter, love and sex, it will lead to an empty, shallow and dead-end relationship.
2. Expecting a man to save us
The idea that we are not whole or complete without a partner suggests the idea that we are deficient and cannot be happy until we find Mr. Right. This puts tremendous expectations and pressure on a man because now we are expecting him to make us happy. This also puts out a desperate and needy vibe which repels men. Nothing outside of me can fix me, and knowing that we are complete and whole NOW is the most important belief we can bring to dating.
3. There are NO guarantees in love
Becoming willing to let go of the idea that love is guaranteed to last forever creates a space in which love can grow and flourish without expectations. When we approach dating from a perspective of giving up our attempts to control the outcome, we let love flow in.
4. Men are AS-IS merchandise
This is the toughest one for women I think. If only he were taller, more ambitious, had more time for me, lived closer Etc.. Men don’t want to be changed or improved upon. If your man has a quality that is a deal breaker you have two options: 1) Communicate clearly and resolve it. It might be something he is willing to work on for the sake of the relationship. 2) Move on! Being in a relationship that is not working is selfish and unfair. The fact that it did not work is not a reflection on you as a person but rather means that you two were not meant for each other.
5. Life is NOW…this is it
It’s easy to get into a mode of thinking that I will be happy when… fill in the blanks. How about now? Everyone is attracted to a woman who lives in the moment and enjoys every minute. Whenever I order a meal, I think I should have ordered something else. When going to a movie, I often think I should have seen the other movie instead. Practice saying, I am in this moment, in this place and situation with these people for a reason which is beyond my understanding and I accept and honor that reason. I am grateful for this moment because it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.