You might think you’re doing everything right, but there are sneaky sensual snafus that could be destroying your sex life. While most of them are easily fixed or avoided, you need to identify where you went (or are going) wrong. These five things could be ruining your sex life, so sit down, read up and get ready to light that fire once again.
1. Getting Grossed Out – Let’s face it – the human body doesn’t always produce the sexiest smells, areas of hair or secretions. If you flinch at the hint of a little B.O. down there, an untrimmed bikini line or the thought of bodily fluids touching you anywhere, you could be turning your partner off, or even worse, offending him or her.
There are a few ways you can overcome the “ick” factor – only have intercourse in or right after a shower, turn the lights off to avoid looking at things you don’t like and keep plenty of towels or tissues on hand for liquid mishaps. Remember, sex is messy, so you should work on embracing the fact that you’re going to get sweaty, squished and crumpled, and move on.
2. Being Afraid to Experiment – Instead of laughing in his or her face the next time your partner suggests a sexy cowgirl getup or edible underwear, give it a try. You could find it silly, but it may increase the pleasure your partner experiences and rejecting him or her could kill the mood. Unless it’s something you morally object to or might cause you harm, go for it. Who knows — you might even discover that being “Nurse Betty” is your thing.
3. Not Knowing What You Want – If you don’t know what buttons to push or what gets you in mood, it can be nearly impossible for your partner to do so. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm, spend some time solo exploring yourself and experimenting with toys to learn what works for you. Pay attention during sex and take a mental note of what moves or positions you like best and what you dislike. Plan a lesson for your dude and see if he does his homework.
4. Being Embarrassed – What woman hasn’t almost screamed in horror when looking at her thighs in the mirror, or had an absolute mental breakdown when passing gas in front of someone? When these things happen in the bedroom, it can feel like the end of the world. It’s important to realize that once men turn on their sex-brain, very little can turn it off.
They are so focused on wanting you and getting down to the dirty deed that they’re unlikely to be fazed or even notice that little jiggle under your arm or that you forgot to do laundry and are wearing your granny panties. Sometimes the human body will get the best of you, and your period will start early or you may let out a noise closer to a “moo” than a moan. Laugh it off instead of freaking out, and your man will too. If you’re so focused on what he could notice, you won’t be able to enjoy the task at hand.
5. Falling Into a Boring Routine – Do you have a standing calendar appointment for getting naughty? While it’s important to make time in your schedules for sex, arranging a set day and time for it is one of the quickest ways to squash your sex life. Not only is it boring, but you also may find that you aren’t in the mood at that time or have to “cancel” your appointment and wait a whole week for the opportunity again.
Come home early from work and greet your partner at the door in lingerie or arrange for a sexy night under the stars and camp out in the backyard. Anything out of the ordinary, even if it may seem simple, can pump up the pleasure factor.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for decades or just started seeing someone, these phobias, fears and oversights can begin to cause serious problems for your relationship if not addressed. If you can relate to one or more of these sexual slip-ups, there are things you can do to turn your situation around and get back in the saddle.
Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror or photographs of yourself and focusing on the things you see that you like. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you can relax during sex.
Talk to your partner. Most men aren’t mind readers, and if you’re struggling with a sexual issue, he may not notice until you tell him. Be open and honest about what you are feeling, what you want, what you dislike and how you can both work together to improve the situation.
If these issues seriously affect your relationship or marriage in a negative manner and you cannot seem to tackle the problem on your own, consider professional help. Modern sex therapists are a far cry from Dr. Ruth and can work with you discreetly to improve your bedroom bumbles, and, in turn, the health of your relationship.
Not sure where to start? Stumped on new ideas? Visit a sex shop or rent an adult video to get new ideas and supplies for experimenting. Nothing should be off limits.
Don’t worry if you experience a sexual slump. It’s normal for couples to go through different stages of sexual enjoyment and frequency. If you realize you may be committing some of these sexual sins, don’t worry — there is still time to repent. By recognizing that there is a problem, you can be more proactive and tackle it head on.
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