Now, if you though the most irritating thing a couple can do act all “Hollywood story perfect”, you’re in for a big surprise! Some couples can be incredibly irritating and impossible to spend quality time with and here’s exactly what other folks hate and what to avoid in case you don’t want your own star in most annoying couples walk of fame:
1. The “We” Thing
This might easily be one of the most irritating things couples do and yes, I hate it too, despite the fact that I’m happily married. Don’t get me wrong, the “we” thing is totally cool… if it has anything to do with you both or something the two of you did together. Insisting on saying “we” in times when “me” or “he” is more appropriate is just plain weird and can even be considered rude! Why do people do it, then and where is that incredible urge to a) ditch the last shred of individuality or b) use every single opportunity to point out that you have something your single friends don’t coming from? Now that’s a million dollar question!
2. The Baby Talk
Speaking about folks with a huge potential of making it into your most annoying couples list – how about those guys who can’t talk about anything but their children? You suffer for years trying to keep things cool with the “We” couple thinking, “Hey, it can’t get any worse than this, plus I’m used to it” and then it does (get worse, I mean) and you find yourself laboring through endless narratives detailing every brilliant, smart, funny, shocking and new thing somebody else’s child did or said in the last week, hoping that, by the time proud parents are finished describing how incredibly interesting a life of a four year-old can get, there might still be enough time for a grownup conversation.
3. The “We Do Everything Together” Act
Some couples are so freaking inseparable you can totally picture them sharing the same bathroom in a way no bathroom should ever be shared. Like, he’s sitting on the john reading GQ and she’s flipping the pages, or she does the deed and he does the flushing for her. You know, the very worst kind of inseparableness that makes you wonder exactly how many of your dirty little secrets are being passed on from your BFF to her boyfriend or causes you to consider all kinds of sneaky stuff and actually stoop to plotting so you could enjoy 5 minutes of one on one time with your friend without her always present plus one. Geez, guys, love is not an umbilical cord, you know?
The main difference between couples and singles is the fact that these last won’t try to fix you up with someone (or should I say “anyone”) all based on the assumption you’re completely miserable for not having a significant other! If you’re a single and proud of it with 90% of happily mated friends, you probably have to endure a lot of fix-ups, blind dates or learn how to say “thanks but no thanks” a lot… and hating every minute of it! And although matchmaking certainly is one of the most irritating things couples do, the looks they give you in case you, God forbid, choose to pass on their amazing offer is even worst!
5. Being Super Lovey-Dovey Everywhere
Super gross as it is, I’m still not sure this is the most irritating thing a couple can do. Guess it all depends on how sensitive you are to it and how many other single friends you have around you for company in case the couple in questions develops a sudden urge for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It can be quite embarrassing, though, just imagine going out for a drink with your BFF and her boyfriend and having to sit there looking all casual while they are feeling each other up. Gross! Oh, and should I mention how inappropriate and, most importantly, rude this is or noting that, in some countries, you can actually end up behind bars for doing this says it all?
6. Going AWOL
Having a great, fulfilling relationship or being married doesn’t have to translate to “disappearing from your friend’s radars for good”. Some of my friends, unfortunately, haven’t received the memo which, of course, made them go from friends to ex-friends and left me with more free time to spend on doing things that are far more rewarding than being on stand-by in case the happy couple realizes that separating for an hour or two doesn’t result in instant death. Finding the love of your life, being totally happy, smelling the roses… it’s all swell… as long as you remember you had a social life and friends before you met your boyfriend/girlfriend.
7. Flaunting Pet Names around
Even normal terms of endearment such as “sweetie” and “baby” aren’t considered appropriate in some cases and if you really insist on things such as pumpkin, munchkin, snuggles or have a knack for creative pet names such as hunniebunnysugarplum-pie (side note: I’ve just threw up in my mouth a little)– please, do it in private. I know pet names are one of those things couples do by default but, believe me, your friends hate them.
What does a couple have to do to make it onto your list of most annoying couples and are there any other irritating things couples do you want to mention? How about that strange habit of picking the busiest, most crowded street for a casual walk, constant giggling and jokes nobody but the couple understands? Yeah, those can be so weird!