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Sex & Love

My Ex Won’t Leave Me Alone

Photo: Getty Images |
Photo: Getty Images |
What do I do when an ex-boyfriend won’t leave me alone? I have no feelings for him anymore.
| by DC Edmond |

Let’s be realistic: all boyfriend/girlfriend relationships end sooner or later. They end at the altar, where boyfriend and girlfriend become husband and wife; or they end because one or both parties involved decide it’s time for the relationship to end. The second way is how most relationships end.

I’m not sure that most of you reading this should be involved in a relationship, but if you are, be realistic. In all likelihood, you’re going to break up fairly soon. Consider this your wake-up call; you and your boyfriend/girlfriend will almost certainly break up, and it almost certainly will hurt one or both of you.

Now, since you’re probably going to break up, it would be nice if you both stopped having feelings for each other at the same time. But that’s not likely to happen.

What usually happens is that one person decides that the relationship is over, and the other person wants to keep it going (even if he/she doesn’t admit it). The adjustment is most difficult for the person who is sort of “left behind.” He/she wants to hold on to something that no longer exists.

Now that you understand why your ex-boyfriend is acting the way he is, remember this: be kind and honest—one day you’ll probably be on the receiving end of this situation.

Kindly but firmly let your ex know that it’s not possible to continue the relationship. Tell him that your feelings are no longer the same. And if your feelings have changed because there’s someone else, you probably need to say that, too.

Don’t give your ex the old I-need-to-spend-more-time-with-my-schoolwork speech, then hang around someone else the next day. Being lied to makes the person hurt worse.

After your talk, cut off the constant contact. Some people like the company of their ex—they just don’t want the commitment. But that makes it harder for the ex. It often gives him/her false hope when he/she really needs to move on with life. Be polite, but be gone.

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