While your cheating other half may try to hide his mistress, being unfaithful requires a lot of attention to detail that escapes many men. Those who aren’t careful enough leave plenty of clues or behave oddly to try to cover their actions. If you suspect your beloved might be doing the dirty, read on for the seven main signs that will confirm your suspicions:
1. He starts to lose weight and buy new clothes
If your typically dishevelled significant other begins a new vigorous exercise regime and dresses better, he either has a renewed outlook on vanity or he’s being unfaithful. “If a man takes a new interest in wardrobe, hair, nails, skin, he might be trying to attract the attention of a woman (or man),” says psychologist Stephanie Buehler. New suits, shoes and cologne are clues that he may be playing away.
2. Less sex
“If he’s not interested in sex with you, he may be getting his needs met elsewhere,” says psychotherapist Dr. Tina Tessina, author of Money, sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media, £8.99). Another indicator that he may be unfaithful is if he’s trying new adventurous moves on you in the bedroom. Perhaps he’s getting extra practice and special tutoring in another woman’s boudoir.
3. He disappears for long periods of time
Stay aware of his changes in habits. Danine Manette, author of Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity (Square One Publishers, £8.99) says, “He’s most likely cheating if he begins leaving earlier for work, staying later, taking longer or going more often.” Also pay attention to how much time he spends away from home for extracurricular activities. “Be forewarned if outside activities become more frequent and tend to last longer than before,” Manette adds. Lastly, be extra suspicious if he is unreachable when he is away from home. “If he says he’s working late, but doesn’t pick up his phone or read his texts, that’s a bad sign,” says Dr. Buehler.
4. Unexplained credit card bills or expenses
Even if your partner is not buying gifts and hotel stays for his new lady friend, you may notice charges for fancy late-night meals. “Unidentifiable charges on his credit card are often the clue that catches him,” says Dr. Tessina. Study his bills and receipts and make sure all his stories match. If he says he went for a run and you see a charge for an expensive dinner, you’ve caught him red-handed.
5. You can’t access his computer or his mobile phone
Investigate further if he suddenly changes his passwords, erases his web history, or hides his mobile phone. Why? “Today, many people who are having affairs are found out by their mobile phone records, which will typically have numerous calls to the same person,” says family therapist Donna Tonrey. “Also, email and internet records often are a give-away as to what is happening.” If he’s masking his actions he’ll do his best to change all his log-in details and PIN codes, it’s a suggestion that your beloved is being disloyal.
6. Changes in his attitude towards you
Your once lovable partner now picks fights with you and criticises the way you look, cook, or dress. He may be looking for ways to get out of the relationship, or, “he may be comparing you to the new girl,” maintains Manette. Conversely, it’s also cause for concern if he is abnormally sweet and caring towards you. Those lovely dozen roses every week signal that either he feels guilty about his transgressions, or is thankful you haven’t figured him out yet.
7. Your female instinct
Even with all these telltale indicators, no sign is more revealing than the feeling in your gut. Manette says, “You know your partner better than anyone else and you will be the first to notice changes in behaviour (working out more, more irritable than usual, increased/decreased sexual appetite), changes in schedule (travelling more, spending more time away, etc), and changes in the way he interacts with you in general,” she explains. “Most women report that in retrospect they saw the signs but either ignored them or explained them away.” Instead of disregarding the warnings, open a line of communication with your partner about your feelings.