Shy Magazine

Sex & Love

Still Single? This May Be Why

At a party last weekend, a married female friend pointed out two single guys and remarked, “I’m surprised nobody’s snatched those two up.”
| by Beloved |

The men in question are both good-looking, gainfully employed, and own real estate in the nation’s richest county. One of them says he’s eager to settle down and looking for a special woman to spend his life with.

“Where are all the single women?” he asks me. “Don’t you have any single friends?”

Of course I do, and they ask me, “Where are all the single men? Doesn’t your husband have any single friends?”

You only have to check the personal ads in your local paper to see that plenty of eligible people of both sexes say they’re actively looking for long-term partners. But it this is so, why do so many would-be marrieds remain single?

Deep down, despite what they may tell themselves, many single people find marriage terrifying. Sure, on the surface of things, it looks great: You walk away with someone to buy a Christmas tree with, have kids with, and you get a regular sex partner to boot. It’s all very romantic.


But many a seasoned single has been disillusioned by the day-to-day rigors of marriage, having witnessed the griping between wedded friends over the years: Who changed the last diaper, who got to choose the last TV program, whose turn is it to scrub the toilet?
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The seasoned single is, quite frankly, freaked out by marriage and all it entails. And rightly so.

But while most marriages seem to be exercises in pain, fun, adventurous, sexy, marriages do exist. The seasoned single will find herself in one of them if she takes time to figure out what she wants—as opposed to what she doesn’t want—when she gets married.

If you find yourself wondering why all your friends can get married and you can’t, it’s time to sit down and ask yourself what exactly is holding you back. Take out a pen and paper. Let spill every subconscious bugaboo you harbor about the institution of marriage.

Once you know what you’re afraid of, you can make sure it never happens.

For instance:

If you shudder at the sight of your best friend’s husband, who clapped on 35 pounds since the wedding, you can make a conscious effort to date people who tend to be health- and fitness-minded.

If you fear ending up with a man like your father, who threw himself on the couch as soon as he came home from work and refused to talk to anyone until dinner appeared, you can make a conscious effort only pursue relationships with men who demonstrate good and generous temperaments.

Face it. If you’re single and say you don’t want to be, something is holding you back. It’s not your looks, your job, your clothes, or the car you drive.

It’s fear.

Find out what you’re afraid of. Know what you want and what you don’t want. Then get out of the house.

You will get married.


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