Iwas surprised at the number of forum posts and questions that guys had asked saying:
‘I’m such a nice guy. I’m always super nice and friendly to women. I always smile and I always do nice things for them. Yet they never seem to want me, but I know I’m such a better choice than the guys they really go for. What’s going on!?’
I’m afraid it’s time for some tough love.
If you’ve read many of my articles, you’ll see a recurring theme. In order to attract the women you really want, you have to sit down and work out, really specifically, who you are, what you stand for, and what kind of woman you want.
Get a set of strong opinions that you really believe in. Become passionate about something and develop a strong, manly sense of drive coursing through your veins on a permanent basis.
The problem with nice guys (and I used to be one once) is that they are terrified of disapproval. Absolutely scared witless of somebody not liking them. They freak out and obsess for ages if they heard somebody has made a cruel comment about them behind their backs.
So this fear leads them to try and be all things to all people. To try and please everyone.
Of course, you cannot please everyone, because the world is full of people who possess completely opposite opinions on every subject you can possibly think of. So the only way to avoid disapproval is to hide your real feelings and just agree (or at least not disagree) with the opinion of whoever you are with.
What happens when you do this is that people will rarely dislike you, because you haven’t offended them – but they will rarely like you much either, because you are not displaying anything they can connect with.
Usually when people connect with each other it’s when they say something like ‘I have a passion for travelling in the South West of China’, or something equally specific and niche…and they happen to say it to somebody who shares the same passion who instantly erupts…’OMG – I love travelling there too! Where have you been?!’
And both parties suddenly feel excited about meeting another person who shares their niche passion (especially since they have probably met many people who have dismissed it, told them it was weird, or simply not cared).
But if you are not sharing your full self like this on a regular basis, people will never see who you really are, and therefore cannot connect with the real you.
Of course, putting yourself out there like this will mean people of differing opinions will dislike you and disapprove of you. But that’s ok – you don’t have to try and change their minds. You just have to concentrate on being true to yourself.
And when you do this, you will find that people just like you are magnetically drawn to you. You will connect effortlessly with them, because they are just like you. What used to be a struggle now becomes super easy. But you don’t get to this place of ease until you are brave enough to risk the disapproval that you fear so much.
Nobody gets to any position of power or status without acquiring a few haters along the way. Think about it.
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