Many men out there are keeping secrets from their women for many different reasons. The number one reason why men harbor secrets is fear; fear of repercussions and fear of hurting their woman. This fear has the ability to manifest itself in many forms.
When men keep secrets from their women, their actions usually differ from the norm, which gives their women a feeling that something is wrong. In this situation, as the natural nurturers that they are, a woman’s first urge is to find out what’s wrong in order to try and fix it. Afraid that their woman will find out their secret, men usually withdraw even further when they are asked “What’s wrong?” After a while of consistent questioning, men usually lash out in anger due to frustration, which can eventually lead to conflicts and arguments.
When a man harbors secrets, such as affairs, issues of trust usually arise. They start to wonder if their woman is also guilty of infidelities. They may become extremely jealous and begin to question their partner’s whereabouts or the friendships they maintain with the opposite sex.
If you’re in an established relationship and have decided to move on, or if you’ve dropped the ball somewhere along the line and truly want to atone for your actions, you should be truthful as soon as possible, says TV personality Iyanla Vanzant, founder of Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Center and Bookstore in Silver Spring, Md., and author of ‘Until Today.’
“A woman can handle almost anything if you tell her the truth about it,” she says. “But if you lie to her, you will undermine her faith in herself, and ultimately her trust in you. Tell her the truth. Let her work it out. You can damage love and love will repair; but once you damage trust, you’ve got a rough road to walk.”
You should sit down with her and talk. Be honest. If you have cheated on her, tell her and let her know that it has been eating you up inside. Tell her that you felt the need to come clean because you want to put this all behind you and move forward. Even though these words sound good, be prepared because it is not gonna make her feel good initially. She is going to be upset and emotional at first. She may be angry. If she gets so upset that she requests that you leave her presence, leave. She may need time to settle down and think clearly. Give her space, but don’t abandon her completely.
If your relationship persists after this atonement, understand that it will take a while before you can regain her trust. You may need counseling to resolve any remaining issues.
Most women want honesty, even if it hurts. Remember honesty is the foundation of a good relationship. A lie needs support, but the truth stands alone.
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