Hell, slow down, Smokey. Have you thought about what kind of mother she’s going to be? Being a girlfriend is not the same as being a mother. You know that, right? They’re two completely different jobs. Just because she’s great at one doesn’t mean she’ll be great at the other. Think about it: Your ideal girlfriend might be sexy, spontaneous and adventurous, but are those the qualities you want in a wife and mother or are they signs she’ll be a bad mother? It’s more likely you want that woman to be dependable, practical and compassionate.
We’re not saying you can’t find the total package — of course you can. All we’re saying is that you’ll want to make sure your girlfriend is mom material before buying that house in the suburbs. Luckily there are signs she’ll be a bad mother, a series of red flags that you can spot pretty easily if you know what to look for.
Here’s our list of the top 10 signs she’ll be a bad mother.
No.10 She’s self-destructive
A man wants the mother of his children to be responsible. That’s why driving too fast, eating too much or engaging in any sort of high-risk behavior are all signs she’ll be a bad mother. Self-destructive behavior takes many forms. It could mean anything from substance abuse to simple recklessness. Self-destructive people are unstable and potentially even dangerous.
You don’t want to bring a child into a chaotic environment and you don’t want to risk your partner’s self-destructive behavior being passed down to your kids.
No.9 She doesn’t want kids
This one might seem like a no-brainer, but for some reason guys tend to think that every woman will “come around” to the idea of children eventually. It’s not true. If a woman says she doesn’t want kids, believe her. Trying to turn a woman who hates kids into your baby mama is a recipe for disaster. You might think her biological clock will inevitably start ticking or that her “maternal instincts” will take over once she has kids, but it doesn’t necessarily work that way.
No.8 She’s obsessively materialistic
There are severe problems with obsessive materialism. Obviously it’s a serious drain on funds, but it could also mean she has some kind of hole in her soul she’s trying to fill up with designer clothes or fancy gadgets.
As a mother, her materialism could manifest itself in a couple ways. She might pass her obsession with stuff onto your kid, turning him into a spoiled brat. Alternatively, she might treat your kid as an accessory. It’s likely your materialistic partner is obsessed with status. If so, she’ll dress your newborn in designer baby clothes and spend $1,000 on a stroller just to outdo the other new moms in her social circle.
No.7 She’s self-centered
If she only cares about herself now, that’s not going to change once she has a kid, and a self-centered mom can really screw up a child. At this point, you may just find her narcissism annoying, but you’re a fully formed and capable guy who isn’t desperate for her love and affection. The same cannot be said of a kid. A mother (just like a father) has to put her family first in all instances.
No.6 She’s a party animal
If she spends most weekends boozing with her gal-pals on a girl’s night out and can’t stand hanging out at home on a Saturday night, consider it a red flag. It’s another one of the top 10 signs she’ll be a bad mother. Having kids means spending more time at home, especially with a baby. She’ll have to compromise on some of her social time. If she won’t do it now, she won’t do it when the kid comes.
No.5 She’s obsessed with staying young
If she obsesses over every wrinkle and can’t go five minutes without reminiscing about her glory days in high school or college, that’s a sign she’ll be a bad mother.
One of two things will happen with a girl like that. She’ll either try to be the cool best-friend mom, which means buying beer for your 16-year-old, or she’ll try to regain her former glory by living vicariously through her kids. Next thing you know, your toddler is in a beauty pageant.
No.4 She’s not nurturing
Does she take care of you like a nanny when you’re sick? Does she worry about you a little too much? Is she generous with hugs? Has she ever made you breakfast in bed? If the answer to all of those questions is no, she’s not nurturing.
It may get on your nerves when she tells you to put your coat on or when she asks about every minute detail of your day, but that type of behavior is exactly what you want in your child’s mother.
No.3 She’s impatient
Patience is a necessity for mothers, especially when it comes to babies and young children. Little kids are unreasonable. They don’t listen and they need constant attention and affection. They throw tantrums and spill stuff. A parent needs to understand this and take all these inconveniences in stride. If you find she’s quick tempered now, imagine what she’ll be like with a toddler.
No.2 She’s a complete perfectionist
There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. In fact, that’s probably a quality you’re looking for in a partner. The problem comes when those standards become unrealistic. Is she frets over her 1% body fat or tries to upstage Martha Stewart every time she hosts a dinner party, it’s a sign she’ll be a bad mother. If she can’t tolerate the slightest of failures and imperfections, it’s going to turn your kid into a nervous, self-conscious wreck.
No.1 She’s violent
Violence is an absolute deal-breaker. If your partner is violent, either with you or with others, and if she ever tries to solve problems using physical force, she can’t be the mother of your children. In fact, you shouldn’t even be in a relationship with her. The prime directive for all parents is to provide a safe environment for their children to grow up in. That means a house free from physical or mental abuse. Violent behavior of any kind tops our list of the top 10 signs she’ll be a bad mother.