Shy Magazine

Sex & Love

10 Most Dangerous Women

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Dating is like a safari — but on a safari you have qualified guides who know the lay of the land and the predators.
| by Dean Cardell |

In the dating world, your only guide is the man downstairs, and he’ll lead you in the wrong direction. Whether she’s crazy, clingy, reckless, or just can’t stop having sex with other people, you won’t care because she’s hot.

Forewarned is forearmed.

Before you jump out on the hunt, you had best have your field guide of the predators out on the prowl for you, Mr. Single And Looking. Knowing the top 10 most dangerous women will keep your current safari hunt from being your last.

No.10 – Reckless Rhonda
This dangerous predator stalks in the high grass and is the beast in everything she does. She drinks too much, does too many drugs and gets into fights. The best part is that she digs her claws in and drags you into her reckless behavior. Look for your dates together to start gently and to finish terribly. Things will escalate as she yells at the waitstaff, drinks until vomiting and greets the biggest man (or woman) in the bar with a: “What the hell are you looking at?” Reckless Rhonda is easy to find, hard to get rid of and kicks off our list of the top 10 most dangerous women.

No.9 – The Jealous Monster
This fierce monster is green-eyed and shows its true colors when another female enters the area. You fall for her ways (and her body) and the next thing you know she’s accusing you of flirting with the girl across the club (your sister), the cashier at the store (she was handing your change) and the woman who knew you by name at the bank (you work there and have a name tag). The Jealous Monster will not be afraid to make a scene while accusing you of far more action than you really have ever had. Watch out for her apology that usually starts on the phone and ends in the bedroom.

No.8 – Clingy
Like a boa constrictor in the jungle, the Clingy woman will start out silent and misleading. At first, it begins with her showing her best side. She’ll get close, flirt and be a wildcat in the sack until you don’t call her the next day. She’ll want to be around you so much that she will suffocate you with her coils. Look for the signs when her loving nature turns to possessiveness and control. When confronted, she may pull back to her sweet nature, only to strike again when you don’t call her every hour on the hour.

No.7 – The Slut
This one put it on you. She obviously has sexual skills — and everyone’s tried them. She may even be using them on more than just you. The Slut is the chameleon of dangerous women; she can change her ways to pull the next fool into her lair. Signs of her hunt begin with stories that don’t line up: She’s canceling dates because she’s staying at home or work, however, she’s not there when you call. Run at the first hint of danger because she’s good enough to keep you on the hook if you let her.

No.6 – The Missionary
This dangerous woman is out to convert you under the umbrella of enlightenment. She has found the newest and best way to eat, the best religion to follow or the newest type of MP3 player. She wants you to join her in this new understanding. While the Control Freak is forceful, the Missionary is subtle, persistent and falls back on whining and begging (and probably sex). Her skills are not inescapable though; keep in mind that she’s a missionary out to convert you and probably only does the missionary position anyway.

No.5 – The Control Freak
She’ll dig her claws into every aspect of your life only to tell you how you’re doing it wrong and need to do it her way. Soon, you’ll be expected to drive at her suggested speed, eat what she says to eat and dress in what she picks out. Just when you get ready to tell her how to go to hell, she shakes her booty off and has you hooked.The Control Freak begins with suggestions and, after a while, you’re taking her orders and relinquishing control.

No.4 – The Desperate Woman
There are few creatures stalking the dating world as dangerous as the Desperate Woman (aka, Feminae Desperatus). She’s falling apart and taking you with her. She’ll do anything to be in a relationship but can’t do anything right to stay in a good one. The Desperate Woman yearns to be in a relationship, she wants to micromanage the hell out of everything, and she may be deafened by the ticking of her biological clock. Watch out for her attempts to find inner peace with the idea of pregnancy giving meaning to her crumbling life. Look for this sperm-jacking predator’s signs of “Hey, we don’t need a condom” and “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill.”

No.3 – Gold Digger
While most of these predators go after you, the Gold Digger goes after your wallet. This cunning creature will use her womanly wiles to lure you deeper into her territory by appealing to your lower brain. Once you’re in her lair, she’ll start asking you to pay for it. It starts with picking up every dinner and night out, and then shifts to gas money and to bills. She’ll try to write it off as you helping her look good for you (by keeping on her electricity and heat) and it will grow from there. The first sign this dangerous woman is stalking is the second you see a bill with pages attached to it.

No.2 – Miss Daddy Issues
No safari would be complete without this creature. She’s full of rage and resentment because of another man: her father. It could be his judgment of her lifestyle. It could be that he didn’t hug her enough. There’s something about her father that makes her mad as hell and she found something in you that reminds her of him. As seen in AskMen’s article on her daddy issues, she may exhibit sexual aggressiveness and excessive flirting. You won’t see it coming and you won’t understand why — but you’ll get daddy’s dearest and all her craziness.

No.1 – The Beautiful Pain In The Ass
Ah, she’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, and she’ll rope you in with her sexy ways and her killer body. She’s the venus flytrap of dangerous women. Her hotness lures you in but then her issues are the deal breaker. She could be crazy, on the rebound or dueling today’s alter ego. But when you get fed up with her crap, she shows up in a short black dress or nothing at all and you fall all over again. This one, the Beautiful Pain In The Ass, makes you regret life but she always finds a way to mount your head up on her wall. She’s the No.1 most dangerous woman because she’s the chimera of dangerous women all rolled up into one. Her beauty will make you disregard common sense and your boys’ advice like a siren’s call.

One reply on “10 Most Dangerous Women”

11 Most Dangerous Men: atomic dog, baby boy, egotistical psycho, selective hearer, stalker, cowardly lion, lazy tail, Mr. Can I Get a Loan, Mr. Insecure and the WORST of all-Mr Down Low!

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