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The 7 Worst Lies Guys Have Ever Told Us0 comments

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A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy who online had described his employment as a lawyer.
| By Jessica Wakeman |

But on our date he revealed he hadn’t passed his bar exam, but he was still technically a lawyer for having finished law school. He was actually working as a chef in a restaurant. (Which is fine … just own up to it.)

Then, during a conversation about names in which I told him I prefer to be called “Jessie,” he said he preferred to be called “Dr. So-and-So.” I asked why and he said because he had a J.D. — a juris doctorate — and it meant he was entitled to be called “Dr.” Allow me to repeat the part where I said he was actually working as a chef in a restaurant.

Needless to say, that was our first and last date.

I asked some of my female friends what were the worst lies a guy has ever told them — and there’s some big ol’ doozies. A bunch of BS we’ve eaten out of the palms of their hands, after the jump:

1 || “The first guy I slept with told me he was a marine biologist. Turns out, he was studying marine biology at community college and worked in the fish department of a pet store.”

2 || “Mine’s easy: that he was straight and the reason our sex life was so awful was because my boobs weren’t big enough. I have B-cups that I’m super proud of, so THAT was a mindf**k. He turned out to be gay—two months after our breakup, he ‘started’ dating a mutual male friend, the same male friend he spent a suspicious amount of one-on-one time with while we were together. The worst part is that I can’t even hate him, because you can’t hate on someone for being sexually confused, can you?”

3 || “When I met my boyfriend at a party, I mentioned something about how life after 30 has been so, so amazing. A few minutes later, when I asked how old he was, he said ‘27.’ He was/is brilliant, adorable and so funny and we had our first date the next night. Two months into our relationship, he said, ‘There’s something I have to tell you. I’m not actually 27.’ Turns out, he’s 23 and lied because he thought there would be no way I would have started dating him if I knew he was so young. I was pissed at first because he’d intentionally misled me and I wondered if there was anything else he wasn’t telling me. But that was it. I got over it after a few days because he was right—if he’d said ‘23’ that night I would have been all, ‘I think I left my purse over there—gotta go.’ Five months in, I’ve never been happier. Even though he’s young, most people would never know it. He’s more mature and talented at life then any of the guys in their mid-30s that I’ve dated.”

4 || “Online he said he had ‘a few pounds to lose.’ In real life he was about 100 pounds overweight.”

5 || “On my first date with an ex, he told me that he’d had a threesome with his college girlfriend. I didn’t think much of it—and, in truth, thought it was kind of weird that he was, like, bragging about that particular sexual experience on a FIRST DATE—until about six months into our relationship, when he proposed having a threesome with me and another girl. He said it was a fantasy of his that he wanted to fulfill before he died or something. When I pointed out that he had already had a threesome, he confessed that he actually had never had one and had lied about it. To impress me? Who knows. For the record, I did not reward his fib-telling by indulging his fantasy for real.”

6 || “I had a fling with a guy who had a girlfriend. When I asked if he was in love, he told me, ‘Well it’s complicated. I tell her I am, but I’m not.’ Then he got engaged soon after.”

7 || “I met a guy on an airplane and we flirted the whole time. He told me he was opening a nightclub in San Francisco with a few buddies and came from this really wealthy East Coast family back in Boston. He spent the entire flight telling me details of the club, how he was such a good promoter so it was going to be incredibly successful, and how much money they got from various investors. In the meantime, he said he was also an executive at Nordstrom and super into fashion. I went on a few dates with him back in SF and it turned out he was really a shoe salesman at Nordstrom, which I then had to avoid for like three years because he never left the rest of the time I lived there. He ended up being none of the things he said he was — just your basic freak!”

I think we can all agree that next time, before you go on a date with a new dude, get a resume and list of references first.

What’s the worst lie a guy has ever told you, ladies? Tell us in the comments!

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