Not only am I a little greedy when it comes to my lingerie drawer, but I love the reminder that my guy thinks I’m a sex goddess!
That said, I get why some guys are afraid to shop for lingerie. The best sexy-gift shopping occurs through interpreting another person’s fantasies; the gift should really reflect the way the woman sees herself in bed, not the way the man sees his lady. If she’s classy, then don’t go klassy. In my mind I’m burlesque star Dita Von Teese in bed, so I’ll be bewildered, to say the least, by a present in the style of Boob Job McGee, Tara Reid.
A little skittish about how Naughty Santa should stuff his stocking? I’m here to help you, boys! Some ideas of “sexy” holiday gifts not to give, after the jump.
1. Anything crotchless
2. Anything edible, especially jars of that weird chocolate body paint
3. Panties two or three sizes smaller than her ass
4. Bras two or three sizes larger than her boobs
5. Vibrating nipple clamps (unless she’s into that sort of thing)
6. Sex-in-the-shower handcuffs
7. A gift certificate for a waxing or laser hair removal
8. His chest waxed
9. A French maid outfit … unless she’s explicitly asked for one
10. About 90 percent of the porn DVDs marketed towards dudes
11. Pubic hair dye
12. Lapdancing classes
13. A terrifying-looking spanking paddle/riding crop
14. Cheapo massage oil
15. Lingerie in an itchy fabric
16. Installing a stripper pole in the bedroom
17. Anal beads
18. Anything that needs to be inflated
19. A sex swing
20. Sex favor coupons